Quite often parents think that tough love is the way to go when it comes to raising your kids, and that they know best how to do that, but the reality of the situation is that kids these days are very different and because of how much they are exposed to on a day to day basis at school, at home, with friends and relatives, they seem much more sensitive to what we say to them and how they feel about what was said after.
When we were younger, we never heard of teenagers committing suicide or the horrendous crimes they commit these days. With the changing world and the changing views of the world, all kids are trying to do is “fit into” a society and as well, find their niche. Many parents tend to be overly critical and harsh to their kids, hoping that this will help them correct their ways, just like their parents did when they were younger, but what they fail to understand is that children need love, understanding and care. Their level of maturity is very different than your own and having the expectation that they are thinking like you and have your understanding is wrong! Children are innocent in the way they think and do things, and they seek the love and affection from those who they look up to the most: their parents. Some of the things not to say to your kids then are:
1. I don’t care – The way the child understands this is that parent really does not care and is not interested in what they are doing. This will affect the way your child carries out day to day activities, and yes, you may said it only once, but they will remember it for a long time.
2. Don’t you get it – Really? how long it take you before you understood something your parents said to you, e.g. doing simple chores around the house, mathematical issues, etc. Maybe your child has a ADD / ADHD, and by simply throwing your hands up in the air and saying “Don’t you get it”, will not cut it anymore. Get a naturopathic assessment for them to see if they do really have an issue with understanding you and focusing.
3. Are you that stupid? – This is an absolute NO NO, criticism will not make your child any smarter. Instead be loving and encourage your child to do better next time. This will help your child feel more comfortable around you, knowing at least you are there for them no matter what, and that you are not judging them, and will be more apt to coming to you when they have an actual problem.
The next time your child has done something you do not approve of or like, try to encourage them and teach them about how to do it better the next time, but keep in mind, they do have the maturity you have and they do not have the same stressors you do, and that it would be unfair to expect more.
By: Sushma Shah, Naturopathic Doctor at the Nature’s Intentions Naturopathic Clinic